On Monday, Rachel started her diet. She had finally weighed herself on the scale that had been a gift from her mother after Rachel had given birth to Silas.
"It tells you your body fat," her mother had said. "Not just your weight."
The scale had sat at the back of the linen closet for three months while Rachel immersed herself in motherhood. Silas was a good sleeper, but not a great eater, and she struggled with getting him to latch on during nursing. He improved gradually, but at times it was still a battle that ended in sore nipples and crying fits from both mother and child.
"The nursing was a miracle for me," her mother had said while watching Rachel attempt to feed Silas.
"All of the baby weight just melted right off."
Monday marked the final week of Rachel's maternity leave. She knew she had not lost all of her pregnancy weight, but she was back to wearing her maternity clothes from the second trimester, and that seemed to her like progress. The numbers on the scale did not speak to progress, though. They were large, unwieldy numbers and they blinked mercilessly on the display. After weighing herself, Rachel stood before the mirror and imagined her first day back at the office. She pictured the smiles that would falter when her coworkers saw her for the first time and noticed the puffiness of her cheeks and the bulge of her belly. "You look great!" they would say, but she would know that she didn't.
Rachel ate half of her usual breakfast of eggs and toast, then skipped lunch altogether. She felt energized by late afternoon, and strangely satisfied with the hollowness in her stomach.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!" she cooed at Silas as she changed his diaper. She didn't remember which celebrity had said that, but it felt entirely true. With each twinge of hunger, she felt better and better.
No comments:
Post a Comment